Poofing.....Where for Art Thou Poofer

Well kids, in the spirit of the opening weekend of the new Harry Potter movie, I feel that this is perfect timing to discuss the magical topic of “poofer’s”.  Right now you are asking yourself what in the hell is a poofer.  Well let mama enlighten you, because I am sure you have had (or currently have) a few of these in your life.

Poofer's usually fall into one of two categories.  Some

1.        The sad, lonely, desperate poofer

2.       The serial, I have no idea what I want but  to play games poofer

I currently have one category one poofer and two category two poofer's in my love bubble*(for definition of love bubble – see below). 

The sad, lonely, desperate poofer is usually the one that you let go but he doesn’t seem to want to walk away.  So once a week, a month or every few months, poof there he is back into your life via email, phone call or text message.  What are they looking for?  The answer is simple, you were the best thing that they ever had and they can’t let go.  Sad but true ladies some guys actually do realize after the fact that they messed up a good thing.  However, by the time they do, you have already moved on and realized that not having them in your life is all the better for you.  I have one of these that, no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of him.  He begs to hangout; he begs to come over; he tells me how much he misses me and on instance there is crying involved.  The crying usually occurs when he has been drinking, but it is funny none the less.  

The serial, I have no idea what I want besides to play games poofer is a bit more complicated but occurs much more often.  One day he sends fifty text messages telling you how much he wants to be with you, love you, marry you, have kids with you and spend the rest of his life with you….the next he is MIA for 2 weeks.  Then all of a sudden, when you are finally resigned to the fact that he is out of your life, poof, he’s back.  He is always armed with a million reasons why you haven’t heard from him.  A friend of mine has endured a serial poofer since January.  The cycle always follows the same pattern. 

Day 1 –Shawn text me this morning, I am back “In like” with him

Day 2 – He has changed, he is telling me all these wonderful things, I may be in love

Day 3 – Man he is annoying me I am texting and he isn’t responding, WTF

Day 5 – Shawn came over night and it was great, he told me that he wants to have babies with me

Day 6 – It’s been 12 hours and I haven’t heard a thing from him.  I have only sent him a few texts and I am not being crazy this time

Day 7 – Nothing from Shawn, he deleted/blocked me from Facebook – I HATE HIM!!

My first serial poofer actually makes me laugh.  He is actually a bit of a combo of a desperate and a serial, but for explanation purposes we will go with the later.  Newspaper boy and I have only been out a few times since August.  The more we talked and spent time together I realized that I really wasn’t into him, he wasn’t intellectually at my level and honestly he was really annoying and immature.  After our last “date (?)”, he kept asking me out and I kept blowing him off.   I just really had no interest.  However, he continues to profess his feelings for me.  The more I ignore him, the more he is trying.  Finally he gives up.  I get a text messages that says “Hope you had a good night, but I think I am done pursuing you sweetie.  Have lots of luck in your man search”. 

So I of course think, finally, he is past it, that’s the end of newspaper boy……..but……As always……he’s back!!!!!  Two weeks later I wake up to a text message first thing in the AM.  “Hey, did you text me today?  I have a feeling it was a phantom text”.   Here we go again.  Now he is back to begging to see me and making outlandish statements that I know are not true.  For instance, “I’d love to sleep with you everyday Lauren, whether it’s for the next few weeks or the next 40 years, I’m not JUST about sex, I just know that I enjoy being with you.” 

Do guys really feel the need to say these things, especially when I know for a fact that they are not true?

Poofer’s are a problem.  They are becoming an epidemic.  As members of the active dating community we need to actively work together end the poofer problem.  Right now, you are saying to yourself, “what I can do as on individual to help stop this”.  I will arm you with one weapon……

When they pop back into your life all you have to do is say…………..NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe the more of us that band together and say, the more poofer’s will get the message and stop.  Just a thought!

*Love bubble – currently my dating life is somewhat of an ever expanding and contracting bubble.  It grows with each new guy I meet and shrinks with everyone that I cut loose or put in the friend zone.  Right now my bubble is at a comfortable size.  Cross your fingers that it doesn’t popJ