Sex, Text and Penis Files

All too often I receive a text message from one of my single best friends and I open it only to find a picture of a man’s penis with the caption “this is John” (or whoever he may be).  I of course start laughing and text back…”Nice to meet you John”. 

I am all for flirting in person and over text.  Most of the time, it’s all in good fun and in the spirit of initially getting to know someone.  Some people are too shy to flirt a lot in person, so texting works better for them.  Grant it, It is impersonal, but does the job in the beginning or later in a relationship as well to keep things fun. 

However, sometimes guys find the need to go from text flirting to sexting.  When this happens, dirty pictures sometimes come into play.

I am really not sure when it became acceptable for guys to send dirty pictures over text to girls that they don’t know or that they barely know.  However, I am finding that it is a trend across the board in today’s dating world. 

So how do these texts come about?  Well survey says that they are sent at two different times.

Some guys come out swinging.  I guess that they feel the need to present what they are working with right off the bat with the very first text message.  I have heard many stories from friends that say they met a nice guy while out with friends and as the night went on they hit it off and exchanged numbers.  Not five minutes after they part, they check their phone and see a penis staring back at them.  Needless to say this calls for a delete/abort.  Thanks much, but no thanks! 

Other guys are stealthier and may sneak it into a conversation.  This usually happens when texting back and forth starts to get a little flirty.  Messages go from flirty to dirty in 2.2 seconds flat.  They totally take it to another level. 

So what types of pictures are received?

1.        The standard/stock hand on penis picture.  This is the photo that you know they have had in a phone for a while that they probably send to everyone.  Basically they are laying in bed, with their hand on their package in mid stroke.  Usually you see their feet in this picture too because they are taking it down their body. *Note – a friend and both were talking with the guy online unbeknownst to us.  Guess what ladies, each one of us received the same stock picture. 

2.       The full frontal body shot.  WOW guys, really?  How in the world could you ever send someone a naked full body shot?  A shot that actually includes your face in it.  Especially if you have a professional job.  Do you have any idea what kind of damage that could do to you if you send it to the wrong female?  Some of us can be vindictive if we get hurt or whored…Just an FYI!  Let’s use our brains, shall we. 

3.       The money shot.  This picture contains a close up of the “happy ending”.  All I can say that is that a picture of a white sticky mess is not sexy.  Sorry but it’s not. 

*Note – if they guy is adventurous (or has a smart phone) you may get a video.  Yes, I did say video.  Guys apparently think it is a turn on for us to watch them in action.  I guess that they are fans of amateur shaky porn.

So, why am I receiving a picture of a man’s penis to my text inbox?  I don’t know guys you tell me.  What is the motivation?  I really don’t get it.  

Do you realize that it isn’t sexy and all we do is mock you and make fun of you with our friends?

A friend of mine actually has a file on her Blackberry to keep all of these pictures organized.  We call it her “Penis File”.  She saves them for a few reasons. 

Number one reason to save them…duh…comic relief.  There is nothing funnier than sitting around a table with a group of your favorite ladies passing phones around showing pictures.  Yes guys, we do this.  Why you ask, because it is hilarious!!! One night I was out with a group of ladies.  We went to a bar to listen to a band.  We were all kind of bored.  I don’t know how it started but one of my friends sent a mass text to everyone sitting there.  It was a penis picture.  Everyone started cracking up.  So what happened next…well all of our phones were then inundated with picture after picture.  I can tell you that it made the night fun.

Reason number two is simple…revenge!  Now I am not a mean of spiteful person, but I know women that are.  There is such a thing called the internet guys!  Do you want a picture of you and your penis plastered all over it?  If you do something to hurt this female that you are “flirting” with, it might happen.  There are sites dedicated to slamming D Bags, and a funny penis picture is a perfect complement to go along with the verbal bashing.

Next time, before you hit send, just remember that your caption “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY” doesn’t really mean anything. Just mama’s food for thought for the dayJ