FWB – Dirty Acronym or Norm in Today’s World

Recently everyone has had the term “Friends with Benefits” on their tongue.  This is probably due to the fact that there are currently two movies out about the subject matter.  So of course this seems like the perfect topic to write about in this week’s blog. 

In today’s times, ideas about commitment and marriage seem outdated and old fashioned.  People are out to have fun, enjoy the single life a while longer then in the past and seem to be shying away from long term relationships.  In 2008, researchers found that more than 60% of men and 50% of woman participated in FWB relationships.

So what is a FWB relationship anyway?  In general, it is when two people decide to have a casual physical relationship without expecting commitment or a long term relationship but for purely hedonistic purposes.  It’s less than a commitment but more than just casual sex or a one night stand.  The main purpose is just to fill a sexual need.  Let’s face it; sex is a necessity for all of us.  Period!  It relieves stress, burns calories, boosts self-esteem, reduces pain, helps you sleep better and is wickedly pleasurable! 

Truth be told, it’s harder for single guys to get laid all the time (as much as they would deny that) and single girls don’t want to keep increasing their numbers, hence why the talk of an FWB relationship comes up so often.  It becomes a win win for both parties.

But the question begs itself can you really keep it casual when it comes to sex?  The answer is not a simple yes or no; so many variables come into play.  Let’s discuss shall we……

1.        Do you equate sex with love? 

Most females that I know immediately equate sex with love.  As soon as the deed is done their minds wonder into dangerous territory.  Thoughts of the future, love and possibly marriage start racing through their heads.  Deep breaths ladies!  Personally I am not afraid to admit that I can keep sex casual.  I have been told all too often that I think like a dude, whereas sex equals fun, sport and necessity.  Thoughts of anything else don’t come into play until later after an emotional connection has been established.  **Side note - after that, sex changes for the betterJ** If you think like me, then an FWB relationship will work for you.  If you however, think like the majority, sorry to say but and FWB relationship will be an EPIC FAIL!

2.       Can you follow the general rules of an FWB relationship?

See below

3.       Do you have any type of feelings for your FWB partner going into the agreement?   Do you have it in your head that and FWB relationship will catapult you into a “real” relationship with this person?

I can tell you right now that a FWB relationship will most certainly NOT work if either party has feelings for the other going into it.  If one party goes in expecting to keep it casual with no strings and the other expects something more to eventually come, things are going to end badly.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 

4.      Can you be honest with your FWB partner if your feelings change during the relationship?

Keep everything open and honest.  If your emotional state of mind changes at anytime you have to tell your partner immediately!  This is when you are at the crossroads and you need to choose the right path.  If you take the wrong one you are going to get hurt and what is the fun in that. 

5.      Can you keep your self esteem intact?

Let’s face it; some people just aren’t cut out for this type of arrangement.  If you have any self esteem issues where you feel dirty or get down on yourself for having casual sex then run away from any thoughts of entering the FWB arrangement.  It isn’t for everyone.

6.      Is the sex any good?

I know some people say that sex is sex and any sex is good.  I disagree.  This one may just be me but, if the sex isn’t great, then I see no point in maintaining a continuous stream of it. 

7.      Why do you think an FWB relationship would be a good fit for you?

What are you currently looking for?  You have to ask yourself right upfront?  Is your FWB partner going to be a place holder just until someone that you like comes along?  Do you want to stay single for the long term whereas you aren’t looking at all for that Ms. or Mr. Right?

Mama’s FWB general rules

1.       Rules must be established before hand and agreed to by both parties!

2.       QT time, dating, dinners, e.x.…are prohibited.

3.       Keep the drama out!!!!

4.       Don’t get too personal.

5.       Don’t offer relationship advice.

6.       Don’t become possessive, emotional, or attached. 

7.       Keep all other aspects of an emotional relationship to a bare minimum.  Examples include cuddling, overnight stays, gifts or sweet gestures.

8.       Keep texting, calling, emailing to a minimum.  These forms of communication should only be to discuss rendezvous days and times.

9.       Be discreet.  Don’t discuss your arrangement with mutual friends, family or others.

10.   If either party meets someone that they want to pursue a “real” relationship with…walk away with grace, dignity and poise. 

While romantic relationships can be amazing, wonderful, enlivening and magical they can also be hard, emotionally draining and stressful.  Since everyone is so used to things coming so easy nowadays I think that the idea of working at a relationship just seems crazy to some.  I truly believe this concept birthed the idea of FWB. 

For or against?  Good or bad?  Yah or nah? Whatever, your thoughts may be on the subject, it’s fair to say that in today’s world this term won’t be going away anytime soon.  Welcome to 2011!