Top 11 Dating Resolutions for 2011

I always love the first week of January every year because everyone and their mother are dead set on keeping their New Year’s resolutions.  Number one resolution that I always hear from people is that they want to lose those pesky fifteen pounds that they have packed on over the last year.  These are the people that I HATE!!  Don’t get me wrong, I am always looking to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  However, I am a gym regular.  I am there at least 4-5 times a week all year long.  The resolution people clog up my machines for the month of January and make me adjust my gym schedule to avoid them.  FYI – if you are one of those people, you suck!!  LOL

What kills me is that I always hear people talk about these physical resolutions every year, but I never really hear people talk about internal or mental resolutions.  I for one I am resigned to making mental changes in 2011.  My resolutions for this year are all related to changing my life in the positive and focusing on me.  Friends and I have discussed how this year is going to be different.  The only way to affect a change is to actually make a change.  So ladies (and gentlemen) listen up while Mama gets on her soapbox and gives you her Top 11 Resolutions for 2011.

1.        Don’t Be a Backup Plan               

First, I have to say that I have EXTREMELY beautiful, hot, amazing best friends.  Needless to say, they get hit on a lot, meet a lot of guys and get a lot of numbers.  It is normal to get at least one number a night if not multiple numbers.  However, all too often, I find that the guys that they meet have girlfriends.  It really makes me angry when a guy in a relationship gives out his number to another girl.  I don’t care if they aren’t happy, if the relationship is bad or if it is getting ready to end.  DON’T GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER UNTIL YOU ARE SINGLE…PERIOD!!!  Ladies, please listen to me, don’t be this dudes backup plan.  He is giving you his number in the event that him and his girl breakup or if he feels the need to have some booty on the side.  This is NOT ok for any reason.  Even if they do breakup and the two of you start dating (extreme long shot), don’t think for a second that he won’t do the same thing to you. 

2.        Start Out As Friends First

If you look at the statistics and studies on relationships and dating, you’ll find that the majority of healthy, satisfying relationships start out as friendships.  I am not sure where and when us single ladies in the dating world forgot this golden rule.  Almost everyone I know is guilty of this.  You meet a guy, there is an attraction, you start to develop feelings, you think things are great…then one day you wake up and realize that you don’t really know them at all.  Friendship is the path to follow.  Take the time to plant the seed and then watch it grow. 

3.        Take The Time To Focus On What You REALLY Want Out of a Relationship

Good looks are great.  Attraction is a must.  Need to have a connection…absolutely!  These three things are definitely important…initially.  But have you ever sat down and really thought about what you are truly looking for in a relationship and what you really want in a partner.    People confide in me all the time and love to tell me what they are looking for.  All too often though, all of the qualities that they list are superficial and one dimensional.  My suggestion is to take the time to write down what you want.  List what is important to you now and in the future.  For instance, list out your goals, dreams, interests, family, beliefs, moral principles…anything and everything that you can think of.   When you get everything down on paper, it really puts it into perspective.

4.        Don’t Settle For Less Than What You Deserve

I have followed my own advice and written down what I am actually looking for in a partner.  I am a realist; I know that I am probably never going to find ALL that I want, but I do know that I am not going to settle for any less that what is really important to me.  I have settled before in relationships.  Grant it, I am not saying that there shouldn’t be give and take, because there should ALWAYS be give and take in a relationship.  I am saying that I refuse to waste anymore time settling for someone that isn’t good enough for me.  Does that sound vain…maybe?  But I won’t apologize for it.  I think that that I am amazing and I want someone just as amazing to keep up with me.  And damn it…I think I deserve itJ    

5.        Stop Worrying About Being Single – Don’t Try So Hard

Guilty!  Since my last relationship ended, I have done nothing but focus on finding another man.  Why?  We have all heard the old adage, “when you stop looking, you will find someone”.  How come none of us can heed this good advice?  Duh…it’s 2011, all of us are used to living life in the fast lane, and we all way too impatient to stop and wait.  Well, I am putting on the breaks and I going to take it back to 1950 and rediscover the meaning of the words “waiting patiently”.  I truly believe that you never know what you will find when you actually do stop and smell the roses.

6.        Don’t Rush Into Sex

Everyone loves sex.  I know I do and I am not embarrassed or afraid to admit that.  I talk freely and openly about experiences because that is the type of person that I am…plus I have such great stories that I keep everyone entertainedJ  I have been guilty in the past of jumping into bed with some too early.  I know I am most certainly not the only one out there but I will go ahead and throw myself under the bus.  Sex is a part of dating but shouldn’t come until you know it’s the “right time”.  “The right time” is all up to you.  I can’t be the one to tell you when that is.  All I can do is suggest that you take a second to think before your panties drop. 

7.        Don’t Play Games

I love football, baseball, basketball, hockey and tennis.  I also love Taboo, Monopoly, poker, blackjack and drinking games.  However, when it comes to dating….games are intolerable!  Gentleman and ladies, please listen up.  We are all adults here; we are not on a playground in elementary school.  Relationships are about communication, honestly and effort.  The games have to stop.  Please grow up. 

8.        Don’t Focus on Ex’s and the Past – They are Ex’s for a Reason

The past is the past.  It has help to shape who you are today.  You should never forget it, ignore it or pretend that any or all parts of it never happened.  However, you should NEVER live in the past.  People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  We all know that some of those relationships are brief, painful or just a complete cluster fuck…but somewhere there is a reason for them.  Other relationship are amazing and fulfilling but they may have ended.  You have to remember that sometimes things are out of your control and they end for a reason.  Move on, move past and keep rolling along.  Period!!!

9.        Stay Positive, Never be Negative

Sometimes I get down on myself.  We all do, I know.  But it is important to always focus on the good.  The more positive you are the more good things will happen.  This is true in all aspects of life, including dating.  When on a date, there is nothing more unattractive then someone who is down on themselves, shakes off or disregards a compliment, or is just downright negative about life.  Hello people!!!!  Life is AMAZING.  Look around you and breathe it all in.  How can you not smile?  Yes sometimes things suck a fat one, but 99% of the time you can count yourself lucky.  Focus on that 99% and not that 1%, I guarantee that you will smile a lot more and have more luck in love in the process.

10.    Learn To Date Yourself

I know that I am guilty of focusing too much on needing someone else in my life to be happy.  I realized now that although I would love to have a partner to share my life with, I need to focus on one on one time with ME.  So my suggestion to all of you out there is to learn to go on dates with yourself.  Take yourself out to lunch or dinner once in a while.  Stay home and curl up with a book or watch a good movie.  Buy yourself a gift when you feel the urge.  Think about this.  Would you date you?  You will never know the answer to this unless you actually try.

11.    Cut The Fat

We all go to the gym to stay healthy with the goal of cutting weight and fat.  This year let’s not only cut the physical fat, but cut the bullshit fat.  All of us have people in our lives that aren’t healthy for us.  We continue to waste time and energy keeping them around.  My horoscope agrees.  Aries 2011”All associations, alliances and partnering must be beneficial. If you're wasting time, the cords have to be cut. If you've learned your lessons well, you'll pass the cosmic test with flying colors. The whole give-and-take ratio must be as close to equal as humanly possible for all parties to be happy.”  This is SOLID advice.  I for one will be taking it to heart.

I am positive that this year is full of possibilities.  I promise you that I will be following my own advice.  Who knows, maybe 2011 will end up being my BEST year ever!!!