PDA – Yay or Nay

PDA – Yay or Nay

No matter where you go, any day or time, you will always get a dose of PDA.  We all have been there, done that and seen some sights.

So what is PDA?  Yes it is an acronym from Personal Digital Assistant, but before the digital age took over it was a term that teachers loved to yell in the hallway at young lovers engaged in saying adieu between classes.  PDA aka public display of affection is the physical demonstration of affection for another person while in the view of others.   Holding hands, hugging or kissing in public are commonly considered to be unobjectionable forms of public displays of affection; however, what is considered objectionable depends on the place and the people viewing it.

Let me preface what is to follow by first stating that I am not a PDA hater; when it is kept to a PG or even PG13 level.  When you are engaged in dating someone, it is only natural to want to show them affection. When it is new, it is hard not to want that constant contact.  Is there a line that you shouldn’t cross?  Do you feel that everything is acceptable?  Do you feel that nothing is acceptable?  Everyone is unique in their feelings on the subject.  Keep in mind that I do not judge others, I just share my thoughts.

Personally I do enjoy handholding or having an arm around me in public.  Either while walking, sitting in a movie or even sitting at dinner.  A kiss on the forehead, hand or peck on the lips is also quite acceptable.  I believe that all of these things are PG.  If I am out dancing and a little heaver kissing, touching or even grinding occurs, this takes it to the PG13 level, which I am also good with if the venue is filled with these acts.  The level completely depends on the venue!

I have been on three dates in the past two years where PDA was a major issue.  One of my “worst dates” of 2010 was with an exasperating firefighter who would not stop trying to attack me.  His acts included: inappropriate touching, grabbing, pulling, handholding and attempted mouth swallowing.   All of these things occurred in a quiet restaurant followed by a semi-empty bar.  It was not only annoying, unwelcomed and frustrating but it was embarrassing.  Needless to say he got no other chance with me. 

There was only one other time that I felt this same sense of embarrassment while on a date.  I will go ahead and blame the “B” incident on the a-a-alcohol, because even though I was mortified, I still kept him around.  After starting out as the best date I have ever had, the more he drank the more affectionate he got.  This was only our second date, so I was still a little apprehensive.  After an awesome dinner he took me to Rams Head on Stage to see a show.  If you have ever been there you know that it is a tight space.  Tables are close together and you share them with other people.  As soon as we sat down and face the stage, I felt hands all over me and a tongue and lips on my neck.  The people at the table with us were eyeballing us with a look of repulsion.  Needless to say, I felt as if EVERYONE in that room was too.  I immediately became aggravated and distant and drew away. 

Recently I went on a date with a gentleman whom I had been out with once before.  As the night went on, he started with the PDA crap.  Hand went on my leg under the table, which isn’t a deal breaker, but then he grabbed my faced and tried to make out right there in the restaurant.  I advised him that I was not a fan of PDA, but it didn’t stop him from trying all night. 

After this time around I thought it might be good to shed a little light on the subject to enlighten both my male and my female readers.  No matter what you say, everyone can always use a little further education. 

What is Acceptable/Unacceptable and Where

Act	PDA Meter	Reason
Hand-holding	PG – Acceptable	Doesn’t make people squeamish, but is intimate enough to show your partner a bit of affection.  *There is nothing cuter than an older couple walking hand and handJ
Kissing	PG – Acceptable	Within limits, kissing is totally acceptable in public.  On the cheek, peck on the lips, even a soft kiss in public is within limited.
Eating Face	R – Unacceptable	When I am out at a restaurant, bar (sober – excluding drunken nights where anything goes), or anywhere in public, I DO NOT want someone eating my face off!  Hot and heavy kissing; tongues down throats; panting; make out sessions should all be reserved for private places.
Cuddling	PG/PG 13 – Unacceptable	I am friends with a couple that can’t seem to detach from the hip.  It is cute that they are so much in love.  However, when I am at brunch enjoying lots of mimosas, the last thing I want to do is look over and see them laying on each other.  Sorry guys, just being honest.  I really want to be that person that yells out “get a room”.
Ass Smacks/Grabs	PG13 – Acceptable but vulgar	In private, ass smacks and grabs can be quite a turn on.  However, in public they can be viewed a very tacky and vulgar.  What kind of image do you want people to perceive?  It is all about what you are comfortable with.
Babying	PG – Unacceptable	How old are we?  We learn respect at a young age.  Respect for our parents, teachers, elders and friends.  I think that we are old enough to give our partners that same respect and not treat them like babies.  If they want to wear a diaper and suck a bottle at home, so be it, but keep it in the bedroom please.
Sex in Public	R – Unacceptable	This should be a given.  I don’t want to see you rockin your GF or BF out in front of me.  Thanks but no thanks.  If I want to see porn I will pop in a video.

Consequences of PDA

When romance in public becomes a little hot and heavy, you could be doing a little more than just embarrassing yourself in front of strangers.  Some view PDA engagers as exhibitionists.  In some cases, observers of PDA might go beyond turning their heads and report you to authorities.  Depending on where you are this could be security, bouncers or even police.    In other (creepy) cases, observers may focus on your display.  Unknowingly you could be helping the sexual gratification of a voyeur.   There are many sick people out in this world, do you really want them deriving sexual pleasure from watching you being “affectionate” with your partner.

I follow a simple rule of thumb.  It is best to keep your PDA limited to things that you can observe from other people without feeling the need to look away. If you don't want to see others engaging in a certain way, it's very likely that the feeling is mutual.